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Old Lovers are Like Boomerangs

Dear Philippa:

A long time ago I was involved with a wonderful man, but, unfortunately, I ended the relationship. I never married and often regretted my mistake. He married and has been divorced for several years. Recently I got back in touch with him and we started seeing each other again. I try not to call him between dates, but other than great sex, we hardly keep in touch, and he doesn't show any signs of being interested in more than just a physical relationship. Do you think he still needs time to get over his divorce, or am I wasting my time?

�Terri, Boston, Massachusetts

 

Dear Terri:

Have you been carrying a torch for him all these years? Have you blocked other relationship possibilities in hopes that your dream of getting back together again with him would eventually come true?

Many people look back nostalgically on past relationships. Sometimes when we are feeling lonely, or facing something such as attending a friend's wedding or spending the Christmas holidays alone, it makes us want to try to recapture a happier time with someone we used to know. The sad truth is that the reality of seeing this person again rarely lives up to our imagination. The other person is just not in the same mind-set we are in. They may have some fond memories, but emotionally they have often moved on.

Terri, it is time for you to also move on. Distinguish your dream from reality; focus on what you really want and need in a relationship, rather than what this man does or does not want. You deserve to have someone in your life who is equally invested in the relationship and has the same level of admiration and affection for you as you have for him. Imagine having a genie that could materialize the ideal man for you. What is he like? What is your life together like? This is not a dream from the past. This is a reality just waiting to happen.

Let go of the past, and make room in your life for this wonderful man to appear. And he will.

 

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