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Philippa Courtney

AskPhilippa

 

Should I Save Myself for the Right Person?

 

Dear Philippa,

I've always felt that sex was an expression of love between two people who care deeply about each other and are in a committed, exclusive relationship. I dated someone who believes sex between people who are attracted to each other is fun and does not require emotional involvement. What is "right" in your view and which works better?

�Pat, Wichita, KS

 

Dear Pat,

I feel like that old advertisement for Payne Webber, the one where the stockbroker says something and all action stops and everyone listens. Talk about a tough question to answer in just a few paragraphs!

In response to your question, I'm not going to tell what is "right". That answer belongs within each individual's personal beliefs and values. I do, however, have my opinion about dating someone who has a different view of sex from yours. It doesn't work. Does it?

But beyond the obvious I wonder if you are questioning your own beliefs and boundaries? Do you feel that you are in the minority and this makes it more difficult for you to find someone who shares your beliefs?

I know within certain populations, such as the college crowd, the statistics show that casual and unprotected sex is still very prevalent. I've also read that the spread of genital warts and herpes is epidemic. If you believe the numbers, then it seems like sex today is often a recreational pursuit, despite the inherent risks.

Celibacy may not be hip, but it certainly isn't all that unusual these days. Not everybody sees sex as recreational. There are many people, who share your belief that sex is an expression of love between two people who care deeply about each other. I was a wild child in my twenties so who am I to judge anybody. All I know is that when you share sex with someone who you deeply love and who deeply loves you it's a heavenly experience that feeds your soul. I compare sex without emotional involvement to a Big Mac meal. It temporarily satisfies your palate but certainly doesn't touch your soul or enhance your life.

You sound like an open individual who is trying not to judge others. And as long as people use the appropriate protection, let them enjoy sex within the context of their belief system. Neither you nor I need to tell them what is "right".

Pat, you should always follow what's in your heart and most of all believe that there is a wonderful person out there who shares your beliefs and with whom you will share that very precious part of your being.

�Philippa

 

 

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