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Philippa Courtney

AskPhilippa

 

Thanks for Being There!

 

Dear Readers,

Recently I received a thank you email from one of you. The words of this thoughtful person, "thank you for being there" made me realize that I wanted to say thanks to each of you.

Thank you for being there. Thank you for having the courage to seek answers, for opening up your mind to possibilities, and most of all for continuing to believe that you can have someone your life who likes and loves you just the way you are.

During the past few years that I have been writing this column my life lessons have come back to me through your letters. I want to share these lessons with you as gifts for the New Year. This coming year is full of promise and unlimited possibilities. Let's experience it together.

Gift 1�Forgive yourself. All your mistakes and regrets are in the past. It's time to move on with a new view of yourself and your life. This is the beginning of an exciting new chapter. Turn the page.

Gift 2�Realize that singleness is a stage. Being alone affords you the opportunity to become more aware of what you want out of life. Use this precious time to discover what makes you happy and the kind of person you want in your life. Then you'll be able to recognize them when they appear.

Gift 3�Accept yourself. You don't need to become someone else to find love. There is no greater joy than having someone love you�warts and all. Look at the people who already like you; see yourself through their eyes and so will someone else.

Gift 4�Peel off labels that limit you. You are not your extra pounds, divorce, lack of hair, physical challenge, or age. These are excuses, not explanations for why you may be alone. Your essence, the spirit that shines from within, is what defines who you are. See that in you and others will too.

Gift 5�Seek friendship while you date. Encourage, accept, and focus on each other's better qualities. Realize friendship and romance needs to coexist to form a foundation on which a relationship can endure.

Gift 6�Give bad dates the heave-ho. Don't clutter your life with people you don't like. Make room for the good ones and date a variety of people to get a clearer sense of the type of person you want to be with�soon you'll date a better class of wrong person until the right one comes along.

Gift 7�Focus on how you feel. Don't worry about how the other person feels about you. People don't make you happy, but certain types of people contribute to you feeling good. Become aware of how you feel around others and the right ones will find you.

Gift 8�Exercise your funny bone. Laugh at the absurdity of situations and people that you meet and you'll survive the bozos or bozettes you date. The majority of unmarried people say a good sense of humor is a top requirement for their dates. Laugh at life and others will want to be with you.

Gift 9�Take your dates off their pedestals. When you are a pursuer or being pursued the focus is on winning the prize. Instead of chasing the unattainable, or being unattainable when you're chased, seek a relationship based on being real and your relationships will be too.

Gift 10�Delete the negative statistics. Read the tabloids�Happiness is not the domain of the good-looking, rich and famous. Everyday people over forty tie the knot, short, bald men get married, and full-figured women find love. Focus on supply not shortages and your life will always be filled with love.

Gift 11�Ride out dating cycles. When you feel that you are in the dating desert realize you need space in your life to let your wounds heal or you risk sabotaging your next relationship. The lonely times will pass quicker by finding solace in friendships and supporting others.

Gift 12�Show genuine interest in others. One of the greatest turn-ons is being with someone who is focused totally on you. Learn to really listen to your dates, remember the things they tell you and inquire about their day. This kind of attention is more important than fancy cars and fabulous looks.

�Philippa

 

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