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Philippa Courtney

AskPhilippa

 

Single Moms and Dads Unite

 

Dear Philippa,

I am a 33-year-old single mom and I wonder if I would do better dating men with children? It seems that the good guys are hard enough to find and when you've got kids in tow it doesn't help. Friends say that I should I tell guys right away that I have kids. What do you think?

�Sara, Toms River, NJ

Dear Sara,

I don't think there is a magical formula for any single adult who is dating these days. Guys who do not have children ask me the other side of your question, should they get involved with a single woman who has kids?

I hear from single moms who date single dads and they still have issues. One single mom wrote me about wanting to support her boyfriend as he dealt with custody problems but she is considering getting out of the relationship because of the conflict and chaos.

One guy wrote and said that shortly after he stated dating his girlfriend, she told him that she had two girls. He couldn't believe that it didn't bother him; but since she was so together and such a good mother it didn't matter to him. Isn't that what we all want, someone who handles their life well? We want someone who has energy and focus available for our relationship? That's what we want whether there are children involved or not.

I never dreamed I would settle down with someone who had kids. But when I found someone who worked hard to support his family and was a great father and made me feel like an important part of his life, then I realized that this was a very special man.

If you are a single mom or dad who is struggling in the dating arena, ask yourself if are you truly ready for a relationship? Do you have the time, economic support and energy necessary for a relationship with someone besides your children? If your life is still filled with constant struggle and chaos maybe the priority needs to be on you and your children right now.

If you feel that you have your act together and are ready to date, then know that being a great single mom (or dad) is a badge of courage and competence, not something to hide. Change your mindset and wear that badge with pride and the right man will want you and your children to be part of his life.

�Philippa

 

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